Should I Live Should I Die
Should I Live, Should I Die (aka The Woman who set fire to herself) traces the lives of two courageous women battling with borderline personality disorder – a mental illness that affects one to two percent of the population.
Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotional, behavioural problem that affects around one to two percent of the population. Three times as many women are diagnosed with the disorder as men. Sufferers experience extreme swings of emotion; in any given day they can go from feeling ecstatically happy to sad, to angry, and even to suicidal. They often feel a chronic sense of emptiness and have huge fears of abandonment. Seventy percent of people with the disorder self harm as a way of coping with their traumatic emotional state. A further 45 percent attempt suicide as a way of expressing their pain.
In this moving documentary we meet 30 year old, Rachael Kavanagh. Outwardly, appears a confident, normal person but inside she struggles with huge emotional insecurity and fears of abandonment. To cope with these feelings she has been self harming for 15 years and has 200 scars on her body – a testament to the pain of living with BPD. We journey with her through the ups and downs of the illness and watch her emerge triumphant. “Rachael is an amazingly brave and honest person,” says director, Candida Beveridge.
We also follow the life of Maria de Silva, a gifted opera singer whose struggle with the illness was so great she gave up the fight for life and died after setting fire to herself in Auckland’s Aotea Square in 2003.
Promotional TrailerComing soon
Producers: John Harris, Rachel Stace
Special thanks to: Rachael Kavanagh
Exec producer: Andrea Lamb
Network exec: Jude Callen
Director/writer: Candida Beveridge
Additional director: Charlotte Purdy
Researcher: Kirsten Warner
Editor: Margaret Kelly
Online editor: Norm Skipp
Production manager: Lornelle Henry
Production assistant: Karen Bunting
Camera: Mark Chamberlin, Clint Bruce, Karl Schodt, Dean Whytehead
Sound: Tim Jacobsen, Andy Thomas, Phil Donovan, Ant Nevison
Narrators: Stuart Hunt, Christine Bartlett
Titles/graphics: Louie Hyman
Production accountant: Liz Goddard
Financial controller: Glenda Paterson
Funded by: New Zealand on Air and TVNZ